I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
