ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
