Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
