I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
