Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
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I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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