Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize