The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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