Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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