Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
