You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
