Your face is a jimmy john
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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