Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
