I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
