My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Help. Why am I so naked?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
