she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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