Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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