everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
