when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
