I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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