I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
