I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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