I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize