He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
