Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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