omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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