8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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