Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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