Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
