Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
