this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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