I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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