Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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