i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
