dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
