Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
