we need to drink 2009 down the drain
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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