Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
