are you still at the devil's house?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
