Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
