I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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