anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
