it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize