So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
