weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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