You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
