I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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