well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
