there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize