I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
