I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
