apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize