I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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