I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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