Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
