You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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