In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize