i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
