Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
