i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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