"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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