Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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