i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize