I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
