you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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