I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize