and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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