just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
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