I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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