I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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